TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture
Washington, D.C.
Dear Sir,
I have been evacuated from New Orleans because the flood took my old trailer and beat up car. I thought I might go into business to
supplement my welfare check.
My friend over at Wells,
What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to
raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be
sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but
if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise
Yorkshires or Durocs. As I see it, the
hardest part of this program will be in keeping an accurate inventory of how
many hogs I haven't raised.
My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the business. He has
been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was
$422 in 1968, until this year when he got your check for $1000 for not
raising hogs. If I get $1000 for not
raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first,
holding myself down to about 4000 hogs not raised, which will mean about
$80,000 the first year. Then I can
afford an airplane.
Now another thing, these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of
corn. I understand that you also pay
farmers for not raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to
feed the 4000 hogs I am not going to raise?
Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so send me
any information you have on that too. In
view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally unemployed
and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps.
Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.
Patriotically Yours,
Ima Taker