Teacher Arrested
NEW YORK -- A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy
International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of
a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he
believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not
identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying "weapons
of math instruction."
"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of
absolute values. They use secret code names, like 'x' and 'y,' and refer to
themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common
denominator of the "axis of medieval" with coordinates in every
country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to
every triangle.' "
When asked to comment on the arrest, 'cut 'n' run democrat spokesman Sen.
John Kerry said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math
instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."