History of Conservatives and
Liberals
Humans existed as
members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in
the mountains during the summer & would go to the coast and live on fish
and lobster in winter.
The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and
the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the
beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were
the
catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups:
Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so
while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be
invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were
formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while
they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as
"the Conservative movement." Other men who were weaker and less
skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the
nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the
beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men
eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as
'girliemen.' Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the
concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
conservatives provided.
Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but
most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal
fare. Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their
women have higher
testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are
liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't
"fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers,
corporate
executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works
productively. Conservatives, who own companies hire other conservatives
who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the
producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe
Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.
They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to
get MORE for nothing.